Nov 14, 2010

A couple of years ago, after I recieved my Canadian citizenship the ED of our agency stopped at the door of my office to congradulte me. He also -very kindly- gave me a card. The congratulation note started with this sentence: Congratulation on becoming a Canadian Shadi.
I read it and told him I would never be a Canadian. That how can I deny all my past that has made me "me"?

Last month, I was talking to my friend jokingly listing the barriers to "becoming a Canadian". We were talking out of drunkness but there was something sad about why we cant "fit in" or feel we belong no matter how hard we try. I decided to write them under : I would be a Canadian if... .

Nov 4, 2010

My husband got his thesis back. He had submitted it for review. After two or three times of he submitting and his adviser wanting him to make changes, the pages are filled with notes from "repetitive" to "awkward wording" to "move this to ..." or "this doesn't make sense here, move it to...".
He has 3 days to finish it. He will be able to make some of the changes. But English will NEVER be his first language. There will always be "awkward words".

Nov 3, 2010

My ipod was stolen today. One of my clients stole it. Well, I didnt see her do that but I was listening to it before I picked her up then I had to stop to get her something she needed and ipod was gone when I dropped her off. 

I wish she had not stolen my ipod. I wish the baby wouldnt cry every single night between 8:30 to 9:30-10 before he falls asleep. I wish I was on top of my paper work. I wish I wouldnt mix English with my mother tongue when I am tired which is almost all the time these days.
I wish there was a Santa to whom I could write all my wishes.

Nov 2, 2010

I have been happier in the last couple of months. I am simply content, more easy going, more positive. Nothing has changed for better or worse. Life is pretty much the same. I couldn't think of anything that could possibly have caused the change.

My mom arrived in the US tonight. She will be here in a month. I was talking to her on the phone tonight and suddenly realized that was it! I want/need to be close to my family. Doesn't everyone? well, almost everyone?

This is one thing we tend to take for granted. The joy of being able to pick up the phone and call family/friends without worrying about the time difference or booking a ticket to Calgary to be with family for the Christmas or simply driving to Toronto on a Saturday to have supper with mom.

I thought being an immigrant has deprived me of simple joys of life and has given me the "luxury" of basic human rights I was denied in my own country.

Nov 1, 2010

Several months ago I had a phone interview. The woman asked me what comes to my mind first if she asks me to self identify. The first thing that came to my mind was "an immigrant", then a woman, and a mom.
I got used to not having my dad in my world. I got used to not having my brother in my world but immigration will be one thing that I dont think I will ever get used to. The roots are not here. I am uprooted, belonging to no where. Landless, homeles.