Jun 30, 2011

in another life my li'l bro

Tomorrow is Canada day li'l bro. Li'l bro is how you signed off  your emails or the cards you sent me. You remember I told you about my first Canada Day here? I told you I cried the whole time. I told you how I wished we could have a National Day as well. A day when we could go out, drink, scream our heads off  and be happy. Just be happy. You said " and feel the unity". I was talking to you on the phone. I told you about the fire works, people with their lawn chairs, families hanging out, kids having fun, couples kissing and I said at the end "how I wish next year we could celebrate it together". That next year never came. It's my 10th Canada Day here. I can't help but think about all the social science and community development theories I have come to learn in these years. I cant help but think what a carefully planned job it is to kill the spirit of a nation or even worse, to make it sick, so sick that nothing can cure it. This is what they have done to our land my li'l bro.

I will celebrate the Canada Day tomorrow with people most of whom take what they have for granted. Things like being allowed to celebrate their national day, to dance, to sing, to have boy friends and girl friends, to drink beer under the blue sky, to swim in a lake, to say what they want and not be sent to jail for it. you know, simple little things.

I will cry just like every other Canada Day. I miss you my li'l bro. You never made it here for Canada Day. You never even got to see my little sunshine. Did you know his hands are just like yours? With the same short chubby fingers and funny looking nails?

I hold his hands and I smile. My heart fills with love and regret. I am sure you know what I mean. You always did and I keep talking with you, in my dreams, in my head, as I am cooking, cleaning, driving, change diapers, read, I talk with you, I carry you in my soul.